Hard Things

I think last week was one of my favorite topics. I do not come from a blended family and I don't really know many people who are. But I just came to have a greater sense of love and compassion for those who do- How dang hard it would be! I am so grateful for Brother Williams. He and his wife are such great examples. One thing that really stuck out to me was when he was talking about his wife's first experience with coming to class to talk about it and she said she was really nervous, but "if we can help someone then it's worth it." I think that what Brother Williams and his wife have been able to accomplish together just proves that anything is possible with faith, love, trust, patience, etc. when placed in each other and the Lord. No marriage is the same, and no marriage is easy, and some of our loved ones and close friends will go through some things very different from us that are very difficult challenges. But after this class, and this week especially, I feel like  I am better prepared to help those around me in those hard times. I really like the trampoline analogy mentioned in class. We can't just catch people and not let them get back on their feet without effort on their part. We are there to support people and then throw them back so they can do things on their own. No matter what happens, one thing is certain: Life is hard, but we can do hard things. Whether they happen to us or to a loved one, we have the tools necessary to make it through.

Lessons for the future

I really enjoyed this week. I think parenting is probably the most daunting topic of the future. There is no book on parenting and so it's really just up to the parent to parent. Or so I thought.. All growing up I heard, "I hope you have a daughter just like you." Just to throw it out there- I was a pain in my parent's rear. I think all of us kids had our moments. But as I've grown up and matured and learned the importance and role of my parents, I've become a little nicer and learned to respect them and their rules a little more. I have great parents. I've learned many valuable lessons from them, and this class has helped me to become more aware of how much they really do for each of us. Yesterday I got to give a talk on service in Sacrament meeting. I talked about my mom because there is no one I know who better emulates service. After the meeting, a member of the Stake Presidency came and said to me, "I want you to go home and thank your mother. She is the kind of women we pray for each woman to become because they will change this world." I thought that was very profound. My mom has taught me many wonderful lessons growing up, and what that man said to me made me realize that I have nothing to fear in the future. I had a wonderful example to look up to, and I have faith in the Lord that he will help me. With those two things in mind, it's just as President Monson said, "The future is as bright as your faith."

Fatherhood

I really enjoyed writing my fatherhood paper this week. Sometimes the topic of fatherhood strikes a tender cord inside of me, but I learned something very powerful and meaningful. A classmate asked, "Brother Williams, my mom and dad fought all the time while we were growing up, and they said they only stayed together for the kids.. wouldn't we have just been better off if they had just split so we didn't have to be in the middle our whole lives?" Brother Williams answer truly surprised me- No. Statistics say that you are better off because you did have the experience with both of your parents, and I'm guessing you learned some powerful lessons of how you want your family to be different right?  I know what he said is true. No matter how shakey a relationship may seem, it is better than no relationship at all. And for me, writing my fatherhood paper I really came to appreciate my father more fully. I wish some things were different. I wish I had a stronger, more trusting relationship with him, but I don't. BUT writing this paper made me realize that I needed to change some things and I needed to try harder and do better to mend our relationship. I have a great dad who loves me and supports me and I just need to try harder to see that. I am blessed to be in this class and to be able to see areas of weakness so that I can make a much needed change.

Council With Your Councils

I really loved the lesson this week about communication. I especially loved talking about the Brethern's councils. I loved the steps they took and how we could apply those steps to conversations we have with people in any setting.
1. Speak love and gratitude.
2. Opening prayer.
3. Specific time and place.
4. Discuss until a consensus is met (not compromise)According to the Lord's will.
5. Specific Agenda.
6. Refreshments.
7. Closing prayer.
When we talked about it I thought to myself, "No wonder the Apostles are so wonderful and the church is so successful." I admire the Brethren so much and learning this made me appreciate them even more- they do so much. But the principle of this kind of council is powerful. I loved analyzing it in a marriage perspective- it gave me so much hope in my ability to effectively communicate. I am a very open and honest person and so I would love to have this type of council in my home with my spouse and with our children. I think that when love comes first each person feels loved and validated. Then opening with prayer to invite the Spirit and the Lord's will, I feel like nothing could go wrong.. Having it in the same place and time each week then it would prove that it is something very important to both of us. The specific agenda will make it effective and productive.  And the part I love most about this outline is the part of reaching a consensus according to the Lord's will. So many times I have seen compromise when neither party is really happy, and so talking and counciling with the spouse and the Lord to reach a decision together is powerful so that everyone is happy. Then the refreshment part makes me happy because one of the things I look forward to the most in marriage is being able to make treats for my husband so that part will just be fun. And last but not least, closing with the prayer to thank the Lord for having the spirit with us and being able to reach a decision. Learning about this council gave me hope. Communication is one of the most daunting aspects of marriage and this REALLY helped me and I feel like I now have the tools by which I can have a loving and open relationship in all aspects between myself, my husband, and the Lord.

Perspective

I think perspective on anything in life can really change out attitude about the event for either the good or bad. This week we talked about crisis and what a crisis can do to an individual or family. The example of 2 deaths was shared and the effect it had on Brother William's family. One drove the family apart, and one brought them together and changed their life for the better. No matter how large or small a crisis is, or even a trial, there is always something to be gained from it. A woman in my ward was teaching a lesson last Sunday and she was telling us about her older sister and how she got in a car accident on her mission and could possibly pass away due to injuries. The woman told us that her initial response was, "this isn't fair. Becky is serving a mission for the Lord and he should have taken better care of her." To which her mom responded, "Joanne, we have had Becky in our home for 21 good years. If we lose her then there is no one better to take her. She is in the Lord's hands no matter what happens." That mother showed her daughter a powerful example and that woman in turn taught me a powerful lesson about perspective. We can either look at life as being completely unfair, and that God doesn't care about his children, Or we can stop and think about where this crisis fits into Heavenly Father's plan for them and for us. A crisis can happen at any time, but we determine the nature of the crisis. When we have an eternal perspective and keep our faith in Christ, we will have a perfect knowledge that all will be well in Christ who loves us.

Improving Marriages All Around

This week was very important; not particularly comfortable, but definitely necessary. We don't need to be a therapist to have to deal with issues regarding intimacy; we are faced with it everyday at school, in the media, etc. Many of my friends are at the point in their life of getting married and having children. Some of them are very open about their experiences prior to and after marriage, and sometimes they ask little ol' inexperienced me about my opinions. This week has been very eye opening on how damaging it can be in a relationship if couples do not communicate with each other. I was happy though when I looked back on a conversation with a friend who said to me, "It's really frustrating and we struggle with it, but we just laugh and work together." Those are the experiences that bond the couple, and they learn to work out issues in many other aspects of their marriage. I am just grateful for the examples I have in my life, both good and bad, of how working together is what makes a marriage happy.

Not Your Average Norm

This week was really neat. I really felt the spirit in the classroom this week from classmates who are not yet parents, classmates who are parents, and Brother Williams. As I watched the PowerPoint about how the average American couple loses marital satisfaction with each child, it broke me heart. I have been blessed throughout my life with good examples and every couple I have seen has fallen more in love with each other when they have children. I was so grateful Brother Williams added his perspective and how his marital satisfaction increased with each child. Children are a gift from the Lord. A treasured promise he makes with us that we will love and care for with all our hearts. I am the typical LDS girl with the dream of getting married in the temple and having a big family; there is nothing I want more in this life. I know that is my duty and one I look forward to according to God's timing. I am grateful that through our beliefs and faith in the gospel, our lives are different from the average norm. I feel blessed to be different and to be able to raise a family some day. I know that no matter how difficult it may seem to raise a family, and I know it will be very hard, but our faith and dedication to the Lord will see us through the hard times and find joy in the things which will bring us closer together as a family.