Hard Things

I think last week was one of my favorite topics. I do not come from a blended family and I don't really know many people who are. But I just came to have a greater sense of love and compassion for those who do- How dang hard it would be! I am so grateful for Brother Williams. He and his wife are such great examples. One thing that really stuck out to me was when he was talking about his wife's first experience with coming to class to talk about it and she said she was really nervous, but "if we can help someone then it's worth it." I think that what Brother Williams and his wife have been able to accomplish together just proves that anything is possible with faith, love, trust, patience, etc. when placed in each other and the Lord. No marriage is the same, and no marriage is easy, and some of our loved ones and close friends will go through some things very different from us that are very difficult challenges. But after this class, and this week especially, I feel like  I am better prepared to help those around me in those hard times. I really like the trampoline analogy mentioned in class. We can't just catch people and not let them get back on their feet without effort on their part. We are there to support people and then throw them back so they can do things on their own. No matter what happens, one thing is certain: Life is hard, but we can do hard things. Whether they happen to us or to a loved one, we have the tools necessary to make it through.

Lessons for the future

I really enjoyed this week. I think parenting is probably the most daunting topic of the future. There is no book on parenting and so it's really just up to the parent to parent. Or so I thought.. All growing up I heard, "I hope you have a daughter just like you." Just to throw it out there- I was a pain in my parent's rear. I think all of us kids had our moments. But as I've grown up and matured and learned the importance and role of my parents, I've become a little nicer and learned to respect them and their rules a little more. I have great parents. I've learned many valuable lessons from them, and this class has helped me to become more aware of how much they really do for each of us. Yesterday I got to give a talk on service in Sacrament meeting. I talked about my mom because there is no one I know who better emulates service. After the meeting, a member of the Stake Presidency came and said to me, "I want you to go home and thank your mother. She is the kind of women we pray for each woman to become because they will change this world." I thought that was very profound. My mom has taught me many wonderful lessons growing up, and what that man said to me made me realize that I have nothing to fear in the future. I had a wonderful example to look up to, and I have faith in the Lord that he will help me. With those two things in mind, it's just as President Monson said, "The future is as bright as your faith."

Fatherhood

I really enjoyed writing my fatherhood paper this week. Sometimes the topic of fatherhood strikes a tender cord inside of me, but I learned something very powerful and meaningful. A classmate asked, "Brother Williams, my mom and dad fought all the time while we were growing up, and they said they only stayed together for the kids.. wouldn't we have just been better off if they had just split so we didn't have to be in the middle our whole lives?" Brother Williams answer truly surprised me- No. Statistics say that you are better off because you did have the experience with both of your parents, and I'm guessing you learned some powerful lessons of how you want your family to be different right?  I know what he said is true. No matter how shakey a relationship may seem, it is better than no relationship at all. And for me, writing my fatherhood paper I really came to appreciate my father more fully. I wish some things were different. I wish I had a stronger, more trusting relationship with him, but I don't. BUT writing this paper made me realize that I needed to change some things and I needed to try harder and do better to mend our relationship. I have a great dad who loves me and supports me and I just need to try harder to see that. I am blessed to be in this class and to be able to see areas of weakness so that I can make a much needed change.

Council With Your Councils

I really loved the lesson this week about communication. I especially loved talking about the Brethern's councils. I loved the steps they took and how we could apply those steps to conversations we have with people in any setting.
1. Speak love and gratitude.
2. Opening prayer.
3. Specific time and place.
4. Discuss until a consensus is met (not compromise)According to the Lord's will.
5. Specific Agenda.
6. Refreshments.
7. Closing prayer.
When we talked about it I thought to myself, "No wonder the Apostles are so wonderful and the church is so successful." I admire the Brethren so much and learning this made me appreciate them even more- they do so much. But the principle of this kind of council is powerful. I loved analyzing it in a marriage perspective- it gave me so much hope in my ability to effectively communicate. I am a very open and honest person and so I would love to have this type of council in my home with my spouse and with our children. I think that when love comes first each person feels loved and validated. Then opening with prayer to invite the Spirit and the Lord's will, I feel like nothing could go wrong.. Having it in the same place and time each week then it would prove that it is something very important to both of us. The specific agenda will make it effective and productive.  And the part I love most about this outline is the part of reaching a consensus according to the Lord's will. So many times I have seen compromise when neither party is really happy, and so talking and counciling with the spouse and the Lord to reach a decision together is powerful so that everyone is happy. Then the refreshment part makes me happy because one of the things I look forward to the most in marriage is being able to make treats for my husband so that part will just be fun. And last but not least, closing with the prayer to thank the Lord for having the spirit with us and being able to reach a decision. Learning about this council gave me hope. Communication is one of the most daunting aspects of marriage and this REALLY helped me and I feel like I now have the tools by which I can have a loving and open relationship in all aspects between myself, my husband, and the Lord.

Perspective

I think perspective on anything in life can really change out attitude about the event for either the good or bad. This week we talked about crisis and what a crisis can do to an individual or family. The example of 2 deaths was shared and the effect it had on Brother William's family. One drove the family apart, and one brought them together and changed their life for the better. No matter how large or small a crisis is, or even a trial, there is always something to be gained from it. A woman in my ward was teaching a lesson last Sunday and she was telling us about her older sister and how she got in a car accident on her mission and could possibly pass away due to injuries. The woman told us that her initial response was, "this isn't fair. Becky is serving a mission for the Lord and he should have taken better care of her." To which her mom responded, "Joanne, we have had Becky in our home for 21 good years. If we lose her then there is no one better to take her. She is in the Lord's hands no matter what happens." That mother showed her daughter a powerful example and that woman in turn taught me a powerful lesson about perspective. We can either look at life as being completely unfair, and that God doesn't care about his children, Or we can stop and think about where this crisis fits into Heavenly Father's plan for them and for us. A crisis can happen at any time, but we determine the nature of the crisis. When we have an eternal perspective and keep our faith in Christ, we will have a perfect knowledge that all will be well in Christ who loves us.

Improving Marriages All Around

This week was very important; not particularly comfortable, but definitely necessary. We don't need to be a therapist to have to deal with issues regarding intimacy; we are faced with it everyday at school, in the media, etc. Many of my friends are at the point in their life of getting married and having children. Some of them are very open about their experiences prior to and after marriage, and sometimes they ask little ol' inexperienced me about my opinions. This week has been very eye opening on how damaging it can be in a relationship if couples do not communicate with each other. I was happy though when I looked back on a conversation with a friend who said to me, "It's really frustrating and we struggle with it, but we just laugh and work together." Those are the experiences that bond the couple, and they learn to work out issues in many other aspects of their marriage. I am just grateful for the examples I have in my life, both good and bad, of how working together is what makes a marriage happy.

Not Your Average Norm

This week was really neat. I really felt the spirit in the classroom this week from classmates who are not yet parents, classmates who are parents, and Brother Williams. As I watched the PowerPoint about how the average American couple loses marital satisfaction with each child, it broke me heart. I have been blessed throughout my life with good examples and every couple I have seen has fallen more in love with each other when they have children. I was so grateful Brother Williams added his perspective and how his marital satisfaction increased with each child. Children are a gift from the Lord. A treasured promise he makes with us that we will love and care for with all our hearts. I am the typical LDS girl with the dream of getting married in the temple and having a big family; there is nothing I want more in this life. I know that is my duty and one I look forward to according to God's timing. I am grateful that through our beliefs and faith in the gospel, our lives are different from the average norm. I feel blessed to be different and to be able to raise a family some day. I know that no matter how difficult it may seem to raise a family, and I know it will be very hard, but our faith and dedication to the Lord will see us through the hard times and find joy in the things which will bring us closer together as a family.

TIME

This week was really fun for me. Since I'm not yet married I took a particular interest in our topic of preparing for marriage.  I liked talking about the "Know Quo" -How well do you know who you know? I really liked the different parts of it: Talk, time, and togetherness. I've been in a couple relationships in my life and it was interesting comparing each one and doing it with the know quo perspective in mind. Some relationships just could not go any further because one of these three was out of balance. Whether it was him talking way too much about himself, or me talking way too much and he would not share a thing; or things moving faster than we were comfortable with; or long distance separating us, or just not enough time, no relationship has been lasting yet. There was one relationship I thought could have been, but I have since seen many reasons why it didn't. We talked about everything together. We had mutual conversations and several similarities. We spent a lot of time together and made time to see each other. Overall, we had a good relationship. It eventually ended because after dating for 5 months we decided it wasn't going any further. We did the things we were supposed to and it didn't work out. We have remained close friends since our breakup and since then I have learned so many things about him that I didn't know before. It was a big indication of how important time really is. No matter how much we talked and how much time we spent together, it takes time to see people in several different situations.
Overall, I know that many relationships don't work out. Sometimes it takes a broken heart before finding our eternal companions, but there is something to be learned from every relationships and in the end, it's all worth it.

Same Sex Struggles

This last week was very eye-opening for me. Five years ago I would have told you I never had encountered any one who considered themselves to be attracted to the same sex. There were those is high school who were teased about it, but no one actually came out and said they considered themselves gay. But today I would tell you that I know several people and families who are affected by same sex attraction.
I have a very close friend who just got home on his mission and told me his younger brother was not planning to serve because he was struggling with same sex attraction. I talked to my friend about his brother and he told me that it was very difficult on his family because for the first time in this young man's life he said he finally felt accepted and happy. He was one of the ones who was a little different in high school and who was teased fro having hobbies like sewing, and creating outfits. He always felt left out and different. His family said it was hard because he says he is so happy, but they know that what he is involved in is wrong. My friend tells me that as a family they pray for him every day and they do their best to love and support, not endorse, him while he goes through this trial.
I have learned a lot from my friend's experience. Their family is staying so strong and trying to help him remember who he is. After learning more about same sex attraction I will have a greater appreciation for my friend and his family and their example, and definitely more compassionate for them. I am grateful I am now more informed about how this happens so I can be more loving and more able to help people and their families who go through this. 

The Things That Count

Last week we talked about family class and culture. It was a really good week for me in that I got to take a nice look at my life and realize how truly blessed I am. When I watched the video, "Tammy's Story" my heart just broke for that woman. She made so many sacrifices and wanted to give her boys the very best, but she could only give what she had. When I was watching it, I was blown away at the disrespect her son had towards her, but as we talked about it all in class, the thought occurred to me that in many ways I was like her son. My parent's have a good steady income and we have been extremely blessed all my life. However, like many junior high school girls all that mattered to me was to fit in. I wanted to play all the sports, go to all the camps, have the newest clothes, the cutest shoes, the best hair, my own car, etc. I wanted everything that everyone else had. I can remember times saying I had nothing to wear and I my mom was going to feel so bad for me when I went to school in rags. In short we'll just say I was a little dramatic just like Tammy's son. I look back on those days and I could just kick myself for the way I treated my parents. We are a modest middle class family and we are very happy, we have our struggles but we get by. All my life I have been able to do many fun activities and I've never gone to school in rags, but I didn't get all the things I wanted and for that I am so deeply grateful. I got my first job my Sophomore year of high school and I've been earning my own money ever since. I've payed for most of my own school, my own car and car insurance, phone bill, etc. I've learned the value of hard work and the satisfaction that comes from earning something. Each time I get in my car I remind myself that I earned it so I need to take care of it. My parents taught me how to work and the happiness that comes from achieving goals like buying my first car, paying for college, and being able to do what it is within my means. There have been times when my mom and dad have payed my insurance, but I always try to help them around the house to repay them. I believe in hard work. I believe that we can be happy within our means, and at the end of the day, money matters very little. It's working together as a family to make things work that really counts.

Together We Have It All

This week we talked about theories regarding the family. As we went through each theory I tried to look at my own family and how the theory was manifest in our home. I drew connections most with the Systems Theory. The System Theory looks at the family as a whole, made up by the individual units within. It made me think of the popular quote, "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all." This quote is so true in my family. Individually we all have some issues going on, but when we come together, we are all each other's best friends. But most importantly, we are working toward the same goal: that our family can be together forever. We talked about sub-systems within the whole, roles that each person plays, and the unstated rules. In my family, mom and dad are the executive sub-system, my oldest brother has made a subsystem with his beautiful wife and two children, my other brother just got married and they have formed a sub-system, and the rest of us hope to start one someday too:) But when we all get together, it doesn't matter where it is, it feels like home. We all play our roles, and while sometimes we annoy each other with the roles we play, at the end of the day, we are each other's best friends. My number one "unspoken" rule I wrote down said "As siblings, we defend each other, a little overprotective, but we stick together no matter what." Any breach to that rule and it can get a little messy.. My family is my true and trusted friends; that's the rule, that's the role we play, and that's what makes it all worth it:)



Last Sunday.. no matter what, each Sunday together ends up in a Bonded Dog Pile:)

Role Models

This week for class we talked about both the myths and trends that the American "Family" is facing. The age for marriage is rising, women are working, teens are having more sex, abortion is becoming more and more available, couples are choosing cohabitation over marriage, and it just gets worse. However, throughout this week of classes, I have had one word echoing in my head and that is HOPE. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints, I don't look at these trends and get freaked out over getting married and what my family will be like. I know that by living the teachings of the gospel, we can have good relationships with our family in the midst of all the chaos.

Yesterday we talked about the population declining because more and more people are deciding to have 1 maybe 2 children at the most. In the video, "Demographic Winter," The author of the book "The Population Boom" claimed that having 5 children was as selfish as robbing the bank of 5 million dollars. I would like to tell him now that the opposite is true. Not having babies is what is selfish. In class we touched on the effect of role models and what one person can do to make a difference. Like most girls, my role model is my mom. After my oldest brother was born my mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She was told she would need to have her uterus removed which meant no more babies. She asked about chemo therapy and radiation as an alternative. The doctor told her that her chances of the cancer spreading would be increased and it wasn't worth the risk. Mom went forward with faith to receive the chemo and radiation  anyways. Long story short, mom had 5 more babies. She literally risked her life to have children. Just the other day she said to me "Lex, as much as I love BJ, what would I have done without the rest of you?" I jokingly responded that we would have found our way down here eventually somehow. But in all reality, my mom is a solid example to me that family is where it's at. Family is always worth the risk.

In conclusion, as Latter-Day Saints it is our duty to stand up for the family and be role models to the rest of the world. They can laugh at us because we get married and have 8 children, but we stand as powerful examples. I can't imagine life without my big crazy family. They are my best friends. I fully intend to have a large family of my own when the time is right. President Hinckley once said, "The sun will never set on the work of the Lord." Families are ordained of God and they will never lose that standing if we all do our part to be role models to the world.

Deep Learning

The thing that I enjoyed most this week was Brother Williams explaining a study done called Deep Learning. He taught us that when we ask three types of questions we are being deep learners. The three types of questions are: Important, Intriguing, and just plain beautiful. Important questions are ones that, for me, are the ones that clear up confusion or just help to understand/comprehend  the material. Intriguing questions are ones that get me to think, to look deeper. To inspect at different levels and make new connections. And just plain beautiful ones, I think, are the ones that come from applying the important and intriguing questions into one. Just plain beautiful questions are the ones that just make you have to stop, slow down, and really think. All three questions invite the Holy Ghost, the teacher of truth.

The study said that when you apply these questions into your learning, change happens. When you really learn, you want to change, be better. As I've tried applying this principle to my classes, I've been more prepared, more eager to learn, and more eager to listen to my classmates. The classes haven't changed, but my attitude toward them definitely has.

Another way I tried applying this was in church yesterday. I had the opportunity to give the lesson in Relief Society and I taught the girls this principle, and asked them to apply it to their comments as well. Those amazing women did just what I asked and it was a beautiful thing. We each come from different lifestyles. We're all at the same school, but how each person got here is so different. There is so much to be learned from fellow classmates whether it's an intriguing question in math class, or a just plain beautiful comment in Family Relations. Change is going on all around us in classmates and ourselves. All anyone has to do is speak up.